The ex-BBC journalist set out a series of savage questions he would ask the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, who are to give their first televised interview about Megxit to US chat show host Oprah Winfrey. Mr Humphrys would grill Meghan, 39, and Harry, 36, on their claim to want privacy.
Writing in the Daily Mail, he said: “One of the reasons you gave for wanting to free yourselves of the Royal Family shackles was that you wanted your privacy to be respected.
“Yet you have just announced that you have agreed to do an interview with the most famous TV celebrity on the planet which will be broadcast to hundreds of millions of people around the world.
“Isn’t there just the teeniest contradiction here?
“Not to mention the way you have a habit of popping up in the papers every other week. Isn’t it all rather orchestrated?
“What part of that word ‘duties’ did you not understand, Meghan?”
The former BBC presenter would also question eco-warrior Harry on climate change and suggest the royal “practise what you preach”.
The Sussexes have been criticised for taking private jets despite lecturing the public on being green.
And he would probe the Queen’s grandson and the ex-Suits star on how much they are being paid by Netflix and Spotify.
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The couple has signed lucrative deals with the two companies – thought to be worth well over £100million – since quitting royal duties.
Mr Humphrys would also grill Meghan on seeing her estranged father Thomas Markle, which he claimed would not take long “especially by private jet”.
And he would ask the former actress if her interview with ITV journalist Tom Bradby during her and Harry’s Africa tour – which saw her complain about the struggles of royal life – “was just a tad insensitive given that you were literally surrounded by vast numbers of people who lead lives of utterly abject poverty” and could have “come across as a little self-centred”.
Setting out his final question, the ex-BBC presenter claimed Harry is now “widely regarded as a sanctimonious, selfish young man who tells others how to lead their lives while you enjoy a life of luxury that is unimaginable except to a tiny few”.
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He added that the royal has caused the Queen “anguish we can only guess at” as well as doing “serious damage to the institution into which you were born to serve and from which you have benefited so massively”.
Mr Humphrys said that he would ask the royal, who “had it all”, if he has any regrets and if anything could persuade him to return to the UK.
The Sussexes’ interview with Oprah will air on US television network CBS on March 7 – marking almost a year since they quit as working royals.
Meghan will open up to the chat show host – who attended her royal wedding after reportedly meeting her just once – about becoming a royal, marriage, motherhood and how she is dealing with public pressure.
She will then be joined by Harry to discuss their move across the pond and future plans.
Oprah With Meghan And Harry: A CBS Primetime Special has been described as an “intimate conversation” by the US television network.
CBS said in a statement: “Winfrey will speak with Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, in a wide-ranging interview, covering everything from stepping into life as a royal, marriage, motherhood, philanthropic work to how she is handling life under intense public pressure.
“Later, the two are joined by Prince Harry as they speak about their move to the United States and their future hopes and dreams for their expanding family.”
Meghan and Harry officially ended royal duties on March 31.
They are living in a mansion in California with their young son Archie as they launch new careers outside of the Royal Family.